I recently got engaged (about a month ago) and my wedding is in 163 days. That’s roughly 6 months to the wedding date. It’s a relatively short time to plan a wedding, not impossible especially considering the scale that i’m planning for. We estimate about 350 guests which is nothing compared to many other weddings in Malaysia. I guess i’d like to pen down a few thoughts about this entire process and i am not sure if there is a point other than to rant. So here it goes.
- When to start planning?
I was honest with my fiance and told him that i needed a year to plan things. Wait, didn’t you just say you had 6 months to plan it? Yes and no. A lot of the ground work already started 6 months ago when we talked about the possibility of marriage. It was difficult to start planning before I got engaged because i was afraid that I was being presumptuous, if you’re like me then this advice is for you; you need to start because if you’re gonna wait till he proposes to start, you’re going to be filled with a lot of anxiety and stress before and after the proposal. Why before? because you’ll be anxious to start because who isn’t? I’m not the girl who has her wedding planned since she was little so i’ve got a lot of planning to do. At least do some scouting for prices, ask around. It’s also a good time to solidify your wedding vision so that when you get engaged you can hit the ground running. Although, i have to admit that it is a bit challenging because you don’t have a date when you enquire about vendors. You’ll have to come up with an estimate date and wing it. I’m glad i did this because now that i’m in full planning mode, i find that i have simple things checked off the list easily and that gives you some relief because it’s not just a big question mark on all decisions.
2. Talk to other brides
There are two categories here, brides who have walked down the aisle and brides who are at the planning stages just like you. Talk to both. The ones who have walked down the aisle have great advice and contacts. It’s always safer to go with a contact rather than one off your internet search because you can ask how the experience was working with that person. Now i understand that people are different and how your friend could connect with that wedding planner will be different from you, but just ask questions about what you would be concerned about working with this vendor. This is the time to ask the questions you can’t find answers for just by looking at the website. If you don’t know anyone who has been on the journey you’re on right now, there are plenty of forums for brides. Unfortunately, some of the posts are from years ago and may not be the most up to date information. (Some places may not even be in business anymore) The next category are brides who are planning their wedding too. Only a bride going through the same experience as you at that moment can really empathise. I’m lucky to know a few girls who are also planning their wedding and we can rant and share tips with each other. It’s a relief and also we swap contacts, sorta like a bonding experience too.
3. Don’t make decisions until you consult key people
Who are the key people? It really depends on your situation. My key people are my mom and future-in-laws. Oh and of course the fiance. Rule of thumb is, don’t make decisions on your own. I know it’s your wedding, but reality is, it’s not. If you were to elope, then yes, it is your wedding. But a wedding is when two families are joined through the marriage of the couple. So they gonna wanna say something, trust me. It can be frustrating because sometimes you don’t understand why archaic traditions have to be enforced. However, you have to consider that these people are important to you. I’m not saying you let them control the whole thing till your original vision is lost, but it’s all about diplomacy. I admit, sometimes when i get frustrated i just let out a loud, long groan to show that i’m not happy. Not the most elegant way to disperse tension, but it works. It makes my mom look weird at me, but it gets me a pause from the heated discussion. So find a way that works for you, even if it’s weird. Remember point 2, yeah, you’re gonna talk a lot about this to other brides.
That’s what i’ve learnt so far, i’m sure i’ll learn more these coming months, so i’ll post an update on this list soon! Thanks for reading!